wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
