People in love make me want to vomit
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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