We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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