if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
