i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
