It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
