I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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