So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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