Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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