Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
