I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
