All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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