just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
