he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
