what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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