she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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