So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need water and some morals
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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