...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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