i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
