toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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