i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
