I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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