Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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