My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
