there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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