I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just puked most of my soul out..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
