do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
