A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize