You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You pole danced in your parka.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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