I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize