I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
