I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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