My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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