I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
