As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
