you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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