i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
