So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
