After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
