I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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