The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
