Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But break dance skills will only take you so far
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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