he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
