so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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