Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
