I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
