You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
