my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
