I saw his package. It spoke to me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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