I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
