theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
