I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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