3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
