I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
sex in a hospital.. check
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
