I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
