i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
