I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
