apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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