i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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