I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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