Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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