This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
