If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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