He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
