Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Soap is not a condiment
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They took my balls.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
