My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
