So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
